If I could single out one pressing question that has been on the minds’ of SYWH readers for quite some time now, a question that’s answer is so daunting that they possibly might be losing sleep over it, it’s WHO is the cutest pop rock singer? I have created an advanced grading system to help us come closer to finding this answer. The girls will be graded based on five categories: fashion sense, eyebrows, booty game, smell prediction, and smile. Let’s see which one of these bitchez ends up on top…
Jenna McDougall
Stunning, beautiful, alluring, perfection; all accurate words used to describe the gorgeousness that is Jenna McDougall from Tonight Alive. Australian rock group “Men At Work” once said that women from the land down under “glow” and Jenna is no exception. Her radiant beauty exudes warmth to all.
Fashion Sense
Jenna’s clothing style is unpredictable and exciting. She can dress young and carefree or mature and sophisticated depending on how she’s feeling that day. You’re probably thinking “lol why is she wearing a hat? Hats are for dudes, silly girl” but the hat actually makes her look cuter. She looks cute in the hat.
plus she reps EZ
Grade: A-
Eyebrows
Jenna’s brow game isn’t outstanding, but it is solid. Gets the job done.
Grade: B+
Booty Game
Jenna’s behind has yet to surface on the internet, but trust me, I saw it in person and that shit was fire. It’s nice and round and very sizable too. I guess the saying “everything’s bigger in Australia” is true.
Grade: A
Smell Prediction
I don’t have to make a prediction on this one because I actually met Jenna and she smelt incredible. You know those different scented candles that come in glass jars that you see in stores? Imagine taking a whiff of the top three best ones of those at the same time, and that’s what she smelt like.
Grade: A+
Lol I was super nervous to go up and talk to her but I’m glad I did cause she was rly nice and I got to have my picture taken with her and yea. She was so nice.
Smile
Jenna’s smile is so perfect, ugh, like I actually get happier when I see her smile. Like if a doctor did a brain-scan on me and then showed me a picture Jenna smiling, he would probably detect changes in my brain. Changes from me getting happier. Because I saw her smile.
Grade: A+
FINAL GRADE: A
Moving on…
Hailay Williams
Heylay Williams is known for being the lead singer of “Paramore”, or better yet known as the unaesthetic abomination that has been terrorizing the TV screens of youths for the past decade. Haley is like 30, which probably makes her a bit too old to be in the competition, but I think a few people thought she was kinda cute in like 2005, so I’ll let her in.
Fashion Sense
Hailey keeps taking her grose hipster fashion to offensive new limits, making a mockery of all those forced to look at her. Why does she do it? So that the paparazzi will think she’s just a regular hipster and a famous one? C’mon, not even regular hipsters dress this poorly.
I was so appalled by her outfit here that I almost didn’t notice that her bassist is wearing a bow-tie. Lmao what a weenie.
“OWWW, I just got shocked by this wireless mic and the static electricity messed my hair up so that’s why I look like a battered cat.”
Plot twist: this picture wasn’t taken on Halloween.
Grade: F
Eyebrows
This bitch dyed her eyebrows.
Grade: F
Hey Hailey, can I borrow those safety goggles? I need them to protect my eyes from your hideous face and horrid clothing style.
Booty Game
Now, Halley’s booty game is fairly strong, I will admit that. There is a reason why her ass is plastered all over the internet and Jenna McDougall’s and Taylor Jardine’s (who I will talk about next) aren’t. It’s because she knows that it’s her one redeemable factor. Still a nice booty doe.
Grade: A-
Smell Prediction
Lol her vagina is probably so stanky. Plus she buys all her clothes at thrift shops where they sell ppl’s used clothes without washing them. Srsly, I wouldn’t ever go near her, not even for the novelty of meeting a celebrity. I have tinychatted with Andy Milonakis before and Selena Gomez drove by me in a limo once, I’ve already had my important brushes with fame. I don’t know who she hollers at when she’s tryin’ to fuck, but grading her here is the only time I’d ever give her the “D”.
Grade: D
Steve Klein isn’t the only New Found Glory guitarist with a poor taste in women.
Smile
I do believe that people are more attractive when they smile, but for her, that’s not saying much.
Grade: D+
They forgot to add “and disgusting”.
Final Grade: D-
And finally, last but definitely not least (“least” belongs rightfully to the lady up above of course)…
Taylor Jardine
Taylor Jardine, AKA one of the most beautiful women in musical history, sings for premier Hollistercore group “We Are The In Crowd”. To describe how I feel about Tay, adoration would be an understatement. I just love everything about her… her elegance, her style, her grace, her splendor, the list goes on and on. Just to warn you guys, I’m kinda obsessed, okay? Okay, maybe I’m VERY obsessed. But look at her, she’s friggin’ perfect!
Fashion Sense
Tay has one of the best fashion senses in the whole industry. Anything she puts on is certified cute as fuck.
HOT!!
Hey Tay, can I join you on that bed? Is there room for 2?
I wish I was whatever she was drinking so that I could be sucked up into her cute little mouth.
She’s wearing a shirt that says Taylor gang, and her name is Taylor xD. So adorable!
Grade: A+
Eyebrows
It’s as if Taylor’s eyebrows were hand crafted by God himself. Notice all the fine details that went into shaping these beautiful works of art.
Grade: A+
Booty Game
I am personal friends with Alex Gaskarth and he told me that Tay’s booty game is off the hook. Basically, remember the video of that black guy hyping up pokemon? Replace “pokemon” with “Taylor Jardine’s ass”. That’s how he described it to me.
Grade: A+
Smell Prediction
I predict Taylor Jardine would smell like a dozen flower scented scratch-and-sniff stickers mixed with fresh linen mixed with vanilla soap mixed with a box of crayons. Except better than all those things.
Grade: A+
Smile
Taylor’s smile is beyond perfect. There’s not a word that you could even use to describe how beautiful Taylor’s smile is.
UGH.
omg
I can’t even…
Grade: A++
Final Grade: S-Rank/A+++/6 stars/God Tier/11 out of 10/It’s over 9,000
So there you have it. Taylor Jardine is by far the cutest specimen on earth and her beauty is matched by no one. I yearn for the day when I can finally meet her…
just gotta wait for the restraining order to be removed.
(not srs)
or am I?
Who do u think the cutest pop rock singer is? Where would u place each of them in a “kill, fuck, marry”? Do u think Jenna McDougall’s big teeth make her look like a cute bunny rabbit?