Since Vice/Noisey seem to like borrowing my ideas (1, 2), I figured I might as well at least feed them some good ones. And with their fawning over ancient hardcore at an all-time high, what better place to start than by helping them decide on the next fossilized hc band to jizz over?? Below are a few suggestions, along with my best guess as to how likely it will be to happen:
MDC
Likelihood of it happening: MODERATE. In addition to being a highly influential and awesome band, MDC sang a lot about things that over-educated white liberals like such as hating the cops and being gay.
SICK OF IT ALL
Likelihood of it happening: MODERATE. Given how much they jizz over their peers like CRO-MAGS, you would think that the Noisey crowd would be into the only NYHC band who has actually stayed active since the 80s: SOIA. But maybe that is the problem– because they never broke up or stopped putting out music, they are not mysterious or exotic enough to qualify. Plus they are chill, even-tempered guys who don’t do anything cool like stab people at shows, so there’s no zany stories to talk about in the Brooklyn Vegan comments.
DRI/COC/JFA/all the other 3-letter-acronym thrash bands
Likelihood of it happening: LOW. Despite the fact that there is a whole genre of current bands devoted solely to imitating every single detail about these bands, for whatever reason they seem to have no real currency these days. Maybe it’s because almost all of them put out 5-10 horrible metal/rock albums after their awesome debut albums, or maybe because they were too dirty and scummy (in an uncool, “that burned out guy who lives in a trailer down the street” kind of way)? IDK, but they don’t seem to be on the hipster radar. Too bad, I loved all this shit.
DAG NASTY
Likelihood of it happening: HIGH. I really need to do a longer post about this band, because not only did they pretty much single-handedly invent the “hardcore kids playing catchy rock songs” thing, they are really really fucking good. In any case, the Noisey crowd can’t gargle the DC scene’s balls hard enough, and once MINOR THREAT/BAD BRAINS worship is passe, I expect that they will move on to DAG NASTY at some point.
SUICIDAL TENDENCIES
Likelihood of it happening: MODERATELY HIGH. Incredibly influential, universal loved first album + cool gangster image = total Noisey fodder. You have to weigh those against the rest of their decidedly non-hipster-friendly catalog (a mix of very good thrash and very mediocre punk), but the NPR crowd has shown an ability to overlook the crappy parts of a band’s career as long as their first 7″/LP is good. Plus, the band is over 30 years old which means that hipsters and art students should be discovering them for the first time any day now.
