It’s October, and you know what that means: alternative white people won’t shut the fuck up about how excited they are for Halloween. Whether it’s lots of unwanted details about all the various ideas they have for zany costumes, lists of what zombie movies they’ll be watching this weekend, or just gushing about “omggggg i can’t wait for halloween *pumpkin emoji*”, you can bet your paycheck that every alternative white person on your social media will be bombarding you about it all month.
In this post, I will list some of the reasons that this holiday annoys me so much. Please help me think of more, because I’m sure I missed some!
When parents use their child as a zany prop/excuse to force lame, nerdy pop-culture references from their own childhood onto the world
not rly an example of the above but i couldn’t resist posting this pic of a young matty mullins
manchildren who use halloween as a reason to sperg out by making an embarrassingly elaborate costume (bonus points if they follow up with lots of unsolicited information on their upcoming DIY horror movie and their plans for the makeup effects– extra bonus if they punish you with details on how practical effects are better than all the cheap CGI in today’s movies)
pls tell me more about ur VHS horror movie collection and how Wishmaster 4 is akshually an underrated classic
ppl who make IRL versions of internet memes *exasperated face emoji*. Basically the human version of the “stale memes” section of the t-shirt wall at Hot Topic.
this is “ironic man.” u know this smug asshole is just burning with desire for u to ask him what his costume is so he can tell u the punchline and everybody will tell him how clever he is and instagram it while he sips his craft beer and pats himself on the back for being so witty
there are few genres of music that irritate me as much as halloween-core. this song might conjure up visions of jack o’lanterns and movie monsters in your head, but all I can think about is girls with Betty Page hair and fat arms making facebook updates about their rollerderby league’s halloween extravaganza
lol @ ppl pretending there was anything at all good about SAMHAIN other than their (admittedly sick) logo. have you ever actually LISTENED to them?! holy shit they’re bad. literally sounds like two different bands playing at once, and they are both out of tune. like CRASS, only without the smart, funny lyrics.
