My mom always told me that usually the things we hate about other people are things that we actually hate about ourselves. And maybe she is right, because as a former comic book-collecting, wrestling-watching, metal-listening dork, there are very few things that I dislike these days more than geek culture, with any type of “collector” being at the top of the list. And hands down the worst kind of “collector” is the record collector [via pendatry and autism], as I was painfully reminded of this weekend.
the clash and blondie?? lmao, ok dad. i’m fucking 35 and this shit is laughably old and irrelevant to *me*, let alone the 19 year-olds who jizz over ‘vinyls’ (pronounced ‘vinnils,’ because they’re not old enough to have ever actually heard someone say ‘vinyl’ who was around when records were a viable format so they have no reference point for its pronunciation)
On Saturday, I went to a couple record stores for the first time in well over a decade (dragged there by a friend). The first thing that blew me away was that absolutely nothing has changed since I was spending my weekends digging through dusty bins of LPs and 7″ in the late 90s: it was literally the fucking same records I saw back then, only now they’re way more expensive. $24 for a reissue of the fucking CRUMBSUCKERS album?! And not even the sorta-good one, it was the shitty ‘speed metal’ one lol (‘b but its on 180g vinyl,’ the autist sputters). $30 for a bootleg, one-color SARCAFAGO shirt??! if you’re the sort of person who that appeals to, i’m guessing that your earning power is low enough that it takes you several hours to earn $30 and you probably shouldn’t be squandering what little money you have on band merch… but of course, if you were functional enough to earn more than $12 an hour, the idea of listening to HAWKWIND in 2014 would never even cross your mind.
The biggest lol about ‘record collector’ culture is that they think they’re like these super cutting-edge hipsters who are on the bleeding edge of pop culture, when really they’re painfully out of touch and behind the times. The photo above is the actual wall from the record store I went to– I’m pretty sure the newest album in the photo is from like fucking 1991. I mean, I like a lot of those bands, but I was over that shit literally 20 years ago. brb i stopped listening to SEPTIC DEATH in the early 90s, I listen to *real* music now– shit that is actually relevant in 2014 like TSSF, ARIANA GRANDE, PERIPHERY and ISSUES. Of course the spergs who hang out at record stores have never heard of any of those bands, because they’re busy masturbating to re-issues of mediocre albums from 1988 that they’ve convinced themselves are actually listenable (hint: they’re not). fucking lol @ some skinnyfat loser with a beard having a superiority complex because he listens to obscure 80s music.
Is this supposed to be funny? I don’t even get the point… is the guy in the red shirt supposed to some kind of pleb, and the guy in yellow is the cool guy who ‘has rly great taste in media formats’?? And is the last panel supposed to be some kind of punchline?? Autistic record collector vibe is strong here.
When I think about all the hours I spent in high school digging through dusty record bins hoping to find a copy of EXCEL “Split Image” (seriously, that was on my want list for *years*) instead of chasing girls, playing sports, or just hanging out with friends, it makes me want to go back in time and kick myself in the balls for setting my social development back by a good solid decade or so. And then when I think about how record collectors think they are the shit for owning a copy of some shitty old record, but are completely oblivious to any music that’s actually relevant today, I want to kick THEM in the balls.
Kids, don’t let this be you. Don’t spend your youth fawning over some idealized version of a music scene from before you were born. Listen to Spotify.
